they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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