Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
