Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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