i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
