i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize