I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
