Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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