also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
