I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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