its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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