Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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