I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
