I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
