In the future we'll all be gay
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
