My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
