I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
