booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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