did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
