Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
