you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
