You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize