There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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