They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize