You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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