Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
