Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
