Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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