I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
