I wish my penis had an off switch
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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