way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
