I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you would pick up someone in the library
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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