My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
