Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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