I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
