My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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