how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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