My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize