Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
