Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
