Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
