Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
