Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
