I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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