I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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