I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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