I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
