GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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