i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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