Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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