update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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