Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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