becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sext me about skeletons
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
