So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
