come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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