Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
