Where are you?
In a non slutty way
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize