i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
