well you can't waste a boner
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
