My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
