You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
