How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
