so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
