Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
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