Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I love you.
Bad choice
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
