hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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