You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
