Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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