if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Can you repeat that, but with context?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
