So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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