did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
